121411

Band of Horses

madison square garden

yesterday was amazing.
i think i fell in love with music all over again.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ShMkLMUvmpI

12311

friends

would you rather have a friend that is brutally honest with you, simply because they care about your well-being and the fact that they trust you will always understand that their opinion is simply that: an opinion. but in order to have a completely unbreakable friendship you need to understand that if you feel strongly about something (whether it be bad or good) you should never hold it back from each other.

or would you like to have the friend that says what they think you want to hear just too keep you "happy"...

12411

I've been having these really strange dreams again. I would like to believe that they are symbolic of my longing to "start over" as many people who have made mistakes do wish. Just this past week one of my dreams royally freaked me out; I was me but I knew this version of myself must have been an imposter. Her thoughts were dark and depressing, morbid would be the perfect description of her. She had hidden "things" in an abandoned warehouse. For some reason when this "me" disappeared from my body I found myself fighting the urge to find this secret hiding place, desperately wanting to discover her secrets. Instantly I was walking in the dark, cobwebbed hallways of this very building. Odd, I thought that though this place seemed strange and new yet familiar as if following a path left by the last explorer. I found things I never wished to see and in an attempt to destroy of this version of myself and the evidence of her, I burned the warehouse down...

then I went out for lunch with my guy of interest and some random fill in dream people.

I woke as soon as we all sat down.

mme

10242011

I've caught myself wondering quite often lately, if there's something wrong with me..

"there must be" i keep hearing this repeat over and over. its the only explanation:

for why when i try to be there for you, you disappear the moment i need someone to confide in.

for why when i try to be honest with you, you in turn lash out at me

if you had fangs, venom, claws, or powerful jaws I'm sure I'd be at their mercy

there must have been something i've done to you, for you to be so... unscathed by the pain you cause

for why i must find out from an acquaintance that you're spreading trash about me behind my back.

this wasn't just the first time, you've ignored my calls, my texts, told all my secrets, but pretended that it was all fine

but you must have a reason for not wanting to explain this all to me

for deleting my contacts and demanding I DO NOT TALK TO HIM....

oh right, because you're a 

crazyfuckingdruggedupphsycoticbipolarfuckingmessofatrashymotherfuckinghomewreckingcrackedoutbitch.

its not me its you, you're just flushing anything good you've ever had down the fucking toilet and sitting watching as the fucking water spins in the bowl because your too fucking high to realize you've just hit rock fucking bottom cunt.

to: BRH

from: EMM xox

101011

i had the strangest dream last night.

i was in an aquarium, gravity did not exist.

every motion graceful, fluent. like waves in the ocean.

i was swimming right through the air, watching the fish swim in pace with me behind their glass cages.

i wandered the corridors alone, passing groups of other people slowly floating passed.

i admired them yet found myself attempting to avoid them, ashamed at my lack of companionship.

i continued onward, enjoying the simplicity of my explorations.

in my escape i found myself in a gazing upon a face i don't believe i had seen yet still struck me as familiar.

off in the distance our gaze meets.
i had been passing through an exhibit i had already seen and now began to make my way towards the exit.
only now he is there, waiting. expecting... me?

he takes my hand and pulls me towards him as an elevator door closes behind me.
our eyes now unwavering as we gazed into the depths of the others.

his were blue, pale like the sky on a sweltering hot summer day.
his hair short, but long enough to bury my fingers beneath. 
his body was broad and toned, he appeared much larger than i.
he wore a light blue button down, it accented his shape and brought out his eyes.
blue faded straight leg jeans, brown leather belt. nice shoes. he was a man, grown, matured. strong.

he put a hand on my cheek and the other on my waist and i waited for the next moment to inevitably take my breath away...

i open my eyes and daylight is peaking back at me through my tiny basement windows. 
my back stiff from having fallen asleep on my couch yet again.

i understand that the "floating through an aquarium" can never happen, but whyyy can i not be left asleep to continue these wonderful sorts of dreams??
and where is my mr. perfect??