91211

What do you do when someone you love has a terrible addiction? What do you do when you see that person losing themselves.. traveling down a path you may have walked not too long ago? What do you do when they curse you till they're blue in the face and tell you that you've already lost them, stay out of their life? Are they a bad person for not considering the well being of the people who love them and how their problems may affect us? What am I supposed to think, are they selfish? Does that make me selfish for thinking that?? Does it make me a bad person for not understanding?? How do you love someone who does not love themselves?

The worst part of it all is after days of not speaking what do you do when they apologize? A heartfelt half apology, they still aren't seeing it from the other side yet. They don't see how anyone else has been affected yet because they haven't crossed the line from acceptance to recovery.

What do you do when you see your mother falling, do you stop and catch her? Or shouldn't that be where someone else is standing...

91111

Worst feeling in the world:

 When you tell the person you have feelings for you miss them and the response you get is ".. aww"

Realizing that you lost the love of your life, and it was your fault.

Knowing you gave up because you were too afraid to try to work through the difficulties.

Seeing how petty materialistic insignificant celebrities make the biggest impact amongst our modern lives.

When my cat walks all over my keyboard, high on catnip, while I'm trying to type..

Or when that cat lays on top of my lap, while my laptop is in it.

Losing internet connection.

Rivers + Roads

a year from now we'll all be gone
all our friends will move away
and they're going to better places
but our friends will be gone away

nothing is as it has been
and i miss your face like hell
and i guess it's just as well
but i miss your face like hell

been talking bout the way things change
and my family lives in a different state
and if you don't know what to make of this
then we will not relate
so if you don't know what to make of this
then we will not relate

rivers and roads
rivers and roads
rivers 'til i reach you

Build Me Up

I used to have fun, I used to be spontaneous, I used to know people with connects, I was never alone but always in solitude, I used to have friends,  I used to run the town, I used to be known for being "that crazy bitch who..", I used to be insecure, I used to go on rampages and not sleep for nights at a time, I used to play like it was my god damn job. I used to believe in you, I used to wish for the best, I used. I was used. I am a dirty rag; now through me in the wash and use me again.

"Seems that I have been held, in some dreaming state
A tourist in the waking world, never quite awake
No kiss, no gentle word could wake me from this slumber
Until I realise that it was you who held me under

Felt it in my fist, in my feet, in the hollows of my eyelids
Shaking through my skull, through my spine and down through my ribs

No more dreaming of the dead as if death itself was undone
No more calling like a crow for a boy, for a body in the garden
No more dreaming like a girl so in love, so in love
No more dreaming like a girl so in love with the wrong world

And I could hear the thunder and see the lightning crack
All around the world was waking, I never could go back
Cos all the walls of dreaming, they were torn right open
And finally it seemed that the spell was broken

And all my bones began to shake, my eyes flew open

No more dreaming of the dead as if death itself was undone
No more calling like a crow for a boy, for a body in the garden
No more dreaming like a girl so in love, so in love
No more dreaming like a girl so in love with the wrong world

Snow White's stitching up the circuit boards
Synapse slipping through the hidden door"

Just listen.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0gvZ7dhBepI

992011

I haven't been able to stop listening to Florence and the Machine all morning.

My body is sore and aching,  my head feels like I have a brick for a brain, and to top it off my throat is scratchy so attempting to sing is out of the picture. None of this will stop me from keeping in motion! I wish I could release emotion from my body like colors that could fly up into the sky and freeze the world in awe and wonder.. I wish peace, love, and freedom were concepts of truth and not just hopeful thinking. I wish for happiness. I wish for a life surrounded by those I love and who love me equally, not one of solitude. I'm tired of feeling alone, let's reach out to the world.

bonbons

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v​=8yf5L74ITSk&feature=related

best song ever.

7122011

I remember the tingling sensation of your hands upon the slightest touch of my skin, our bodies craving for more. I remember the smile I would display not only from my lips, but emanating from my eyes in bright rays as if it was the first time I'd set them upon the sun. Never before could I say that I understood what it meant to “smile with your eyes”. I remember how your words would flow seamlessly, like one of my favorite songs, and how in return I would find myself stumbling over my own. I recall the heat of your gaze, your breathe.. on the back of my neck. I remember how we would dance beneath the trees, exploring each other and the earth beneath our entangled bodies. No time of day, sun or shine, would stop our choreography.
What a beautiful display... that love was. What a beautiful movie I replay for myself only.
Today I thought I would share it. Today I think it is my time to breathe again.

xoxo-
emm