april twentysixth

I've been working on improving my "self-image" for years, and although I have definitely improved from my former state of mind I can't help but find myself frequently put down by all of these skinny mini beauties posing delicately for a photographer who will post their many tiny creations to TUMBLR for the rest of us (normal/average weight) girls to slowly disect... Although I can be momentarily consoled with the thought that all of these models have been photoshopped in one way or another, the idea of a perfectly perfect- everything is much to great to subside for extended periods of time.

It's terrible that I myself, and many others like me, can't feel comfortable in our own skin due to the image of a perfect body being so absolutely dufficult to obtain. I'd have to join a gym, go at least 3-4 days out of my week; count calories, drink a ton more water, possibly even pick up a dietary suppliment to assist me in my mission to perfection.... sigh. I suppose it's a good thing I've been promoted back to full time and will be working off commision, time to start saving money for my future spendings :P

xox EMM

april fifth twothousandeleven

I probably shouldn't be announcing these things publically, but who's really following me anyway? Exactly...

So i had court today, to discuss my felonizing convictions and the substantial punishments i should now suffer. Other than not being able to drink alcohol upon my 21st birthday, I am no longer allowed to smoke pot or do any sort of mind altering drugs/substances.

FIRSTLY: i got pulled over Feb 8th 2011, still 20 years old. my birthday: March 5th.. FUCKMYLIFE.

It's been about a month since i've been clean off Marijuana. I found it surprisingly easy to keep myself from rolling up a blunt or hitting my bowl simply by supporting the few head shops i know that sell "legal weed". AMAZING discovery, creation, whatever you might call it I definately would not be where i am now without it. Although i do suppose that this would be considered a "mind altering substance" it conveniently does not show up on my weekly drug tests!!

how fucking wonderful.

Anyway, the judge today decided to bargain me down from my original convictions. THANK THE FUCKING LORD. or else i may have been sent off to jail for at least two weeks! how terrible.. i wouldn't last three days in a cell with some other locked up bitches.

my misdemeanor: posession of controlled subtances - will be reduced to disorderly conduct.
posession of marijuana - will be dropped upon good behavior for the next six months.
underage drinking & driving - will have my liscense suspended for the year (to which i will fight and ask for a conditional so as to be able to drive to work/school/group counseling)
AND i will have to pay a lovely fucking fine up to $850 by my next court date: MAY 16th

i have TONS of clothing and shoes i'm willing to sell in order to make some extra cash, please follow me and i'll post pics :)
help a sister out??

About Me

I’m loud/obnoxious
I’m sarcastic
I’m cocky
I’m insecure
I cry easily
I have a bad temper
For the most part i don’t like people
I’m easy to get along with
I have more enemies than friends
I have more friends than enemies
I have smoked cigarettes
I have smoked weed
I clean my room daily
I drink coffee

My appearance:
I wear makeup
I wear a piece of jewelry at all times
I wear contacts
I wear glasses
I have braces
I change my hair color often
I straighten my hair often
I have at least one piercing
I have at least one tattoo
Relationships:
I believe in love at first sight
I believe lust is more important than love
I’m in a relationship now
I’m single
I’m crushin’
I’ve missed an ex beforeI’m always scared of being hurt
An ex has physically abused me at least once
An ex has emotionally abused me at least once
I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t
I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did
I’ve been in love more than two times

Friendships:
I have a best friend
I have at least ten friends
I realize there is a difference between true friends, and people you simply have a good time with
I’ve gotten a phone call in the last 48 hours from a friend
I’ve beaten up a friend
I’ve been in a serious fight with a friend
I can trust at least 5 people with my life

Experiences:
I’ve been on a plane
I’ve been on a train
I’ve been physically injured in public
Someone close to me has died
I’ve taken a taxi
I’ve taken a city bus
I’ve taken a school bus
I’ve gone bungee jumping
I’ve made a speech
I’ve been in some sort of club
I’ve won an award
I’ve spent 24 hours on the computer straight
I’ve been in a physical fight

Music:
I listen to R&B
I listen to DUBSTEP
I listen to country
I listen to pop
I listen to techno
I listen to rock
I’m one of those people who play songs repeatedly
I hate the radio
I download music illegally
I still buy CD’s

Television:
I spend at least six hours a day watching television
I watch soap operas daily
I’m in love with Days Of Our Lives
I’ve seen and liked the O.C.
I’ve seen and liked One Tree Hill
I’ve seen and liked Americas Next Top Model
I’ve seen and liked Popular
I’ve seen and liked 24
I’ve seen and liked CSI
I’ve seen and liked Everwood


Family Life:
My biological parents are still together
I get along with both my parents
I have at least one brother
I have at least one sister
I have at least one step brother/sister
I have at least one half brother/sister
I’ve been kicked out of the house
I’ve ran away from my home
I’ve sworn at my parents
I’ve made my parents cry
I’ve lied to my parents
I’ve walked out when I’ve been grounded
I’ve snuck back into my house after running away/being kicked out

Hair:
I’ve been brown
I’ve had streaks
I’ve cut my hair in the past year.
I’ve dyed my hair in the past year.
I’ve been blonde. 
I’ve had black.
I’ve been red.
I’ve been light brown.
I’ve been medium brown.
I’ve been blue/green.
I’ve gotten my hair thinned.
I use conditioner.
I’ve used silk therapy.
I’ve used hot oil treatments.
I’ve curled my hair.
I’ve straightened my hair.
I’ve ironed my hair.
I’ve braided my hair.

School:
I’ve yelled at a teacher
I’ve had an in-school suspension
I’ve walked out of class
I’ve skipped an entire day of school
I’ve skipped a whole month of one certain class
I’ve failed a test
I’ve cheated on a test
I’ve helped someone else cheat on a test
I’ve failed Art
I’ve failed P.E.
I’ve failed math
I’ve failed science
I’ve failed another class
A teacher has called my parents

i'm losing my mind

You’re not perfect sport, and let me save you the suspense.
This girl you met, she isn’t perfect either.
But the question is: Whether or not you’re perfect for each other.
That’s the whole deal, that’s what intimacy is all about.
Now you can know everything in the world sport,
But the only way you’re finding out that one is by giving it a shot.

this is probably the most difficult thing to learn and accept. slowly but surely i’m working on it, attempting to take my significant other with all his faults and insecurities the same way i hope he’s doing for me.. i realize now that everyone is at least a little torn and bruised, no body is going to fit the mold of that perfect ken doll.

Life has been slowly unfolding it’s mysteries, right before my eyes.